A Different World

When you're growing up, you and your friends are mostly the same. You're surrounded by the people who are the closest in age to your own, and together you go through the ups and downs of growing up. Your first crush, your first kiss, starting high school, getting dates for the prom, going to college, etc. You ride the roller coaster, basically, together.

Recently though, I noticed something else that age shows (other than the wrinkles I've recently found standing prominently on my forehead.) As we get older, we find ourselves forced to break away from those people as we're forced to take on life at completely different paces.

After college the real world begins, and it starts to take you places you can't predict. Buying houses, meeting "the one", getting married, having kids...and it's all at a different time than the people that have, for so long, had all of these firsts right along side of you.

I realized something sad tonight. And let me preface by saying I have the most wonderful friends in the world...

I might need new friends.

I never realized what being in a relationship does to you. Good and bad, it changes you more than you realize. Ive grown up with 90% of my closest friends, and 95% of my total "best friend" clan is married. Luckily, I look around at the people I love and really feel strongly that they've chosen people who compliment them. And that's great! But after being in a relationship for so long, especially when it doesn't work, you realize you get so comfortable, that your entire self changes.

For example, for the last few years, I was completely (most of the time) content in working, having dinner, watching TV or a movie, and going to bed. The urgency to go out and be doing something all the time had dissipated, and the calm was what I sought out.

If I went out for a few drinks, I was content to return home by 10, because I followed suit of the people I was with, and was happy to get home in time to greet my boyfriend home from work.

But that's all changed. And for better, for worse, I'm in a different boat now. Now that my near 5 year relationship that kept me up to par with my married/relationshipped friends has ended, I realize, months later, my state of mind has seemed to change right alongside of my status.

I feel the desire to be social again. I want to be out and not at home feeling sorry for myself. I have the urge to pretend I'm cooler than I really am and stay out until the bar kicks me out. Only problem is, all of my friends? Their lives haven't changed at all. And I can't expect them to change because of me. After all, they still have each other, and they still are perfectly content with the unenforced curfew of being asleep by 11 on a near daily basis.

This is not meant to be a sob story. As I type it, I'm not even sad. I just realize how strange it is to be in such a different place in life in just a few months. And even stranger, how different I feel from the people closest to me.

So fine, I've discovered it might be nice to have people in my life who are going through the same stage of life as me. But I also know this...I don't want new friends! I like these people and I'm not going to enjoy hanging out with anyone on a platonic basis more than them. So now what?

I'm thinking there needs to be a meeting site (and no, not Facebook) like, I don't know...friendmatch.com? And I think for me, this challenge of online friending could be even worse (if possible) than online dating. Because, if there was such a site, here is what my profile might say...

"Newly-ish single gal, looking for occasional person to hang out with, not serious friendship. I have enough friends, and frankly, I don't have time for you. However, if you're willing to meet me out at 10pm when all my real friends go home, that would be acceptable. Would also be nice if you had nice guy to fix me up with so I can stop wasting my time with you and go back to the days of contentment in my own house, while catching up on my DVR. This plan, also much more supportive than bar hopping, of my quest to save money (please see blog for more info on current financial status.) Call me!"

It's a good thing that, A. This site doesn't actually exist, and 2. I don't actually want new friends, because frankly, based on that winning "About Me" section, I wouldn't even want to friend me.