Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Usually I rant on and on about one specific topic, but lately there are just too many things that are ridiculous.  So, here we go...

Student drivers...This morning, the roads were icy and snow was blowing everywhere.  I was impressed to see a student driver in the lane next to me on 695, hands clenched on the steering wheel, chugging along.  I decided to be polite and let the little un-licensed driver change lanes and get in front of me.  After all, I'm practicing getting better gas mileage in my new ride where the 8 cylinder Hemi engine is sucking my money straight into its gas tank.  I was almost taken back to the days when I, myself, was learning to drive, parallel parking practice at Glyndon Elementary, when suddenly, my daydream was interrupted because I was blinded by 18 feet of snow flying off the top of the amateur's car, directly onto my windshield.  Are you kidding me?  Excuse Mr. Student Driver's Teacher, but don't you think in teaching a tiny teenager how to drive, it might be nice to mention the etiquette and safety behind cleaning off your damn car before putting your vehicle in motion?

Restaurant vacuums...You know the ones?  They don't plug in, but they rub against the carpet in a friction-like manor and supposedly pick up crumbs?  Well today, during my much needed break from work and near-death highway experiences, I got run over by one.  I get the importance of maintaining a clean space for your customers but, I do not appreciate the carpet rubber running over my feet, twice, while trying to enjoy my greek salad. 

The McRib...Have you seen the commercial?  Can someone please tell me the marketing tactic behind really messy food and ugly actors? It's like the "Happy Anniversary" mole balloon all over again.  And now there's some chipotle burger?  I don't know about you but the image of some person biting into a ridiculous sized sandwich getting barbecue sauce all over his/her face does not make me want to rush to my nearest drive thru.  Ever.  Again.  (In case you're wondering about the mole balloon...at my first job, we sold balloons.  This one featured 2 moles (the animal, not the skin growth) sitting at a table drinking champagne, with the words "Happy Anniversary" scrolled above their heads.  I mean...what on earth?!?  Moles?  Really?)

Comcast vs. Verizon...Am I the only person with the worst luck ever when it comes to home utilities?  First I had the worst experience ever with Verizon, and now Comcast does its best to compete for the title.  Both have managed to piss me off and make me wish I was smarter and richer so that I could come up with a competitor company.  Customer service (and general common sense) is what they lack.  Customer service is my specialty...my company would rock your digital world.

Match.com...Yes, I'm still talking about it.  But I think the universe was telling me not to give up on it, as I was charged $65 for another 3 months even though I hold a cancellation confirmation from the week prior.  Too bad for the universe that I was much more interested in my $65 than I was in another awkward dinner/movie outing with someone else's soulmate.

Dating cards...I may be free of match.com but I'm still being stalked for being single.  Today's  harassment supplied via email...a special offer from an online printer, offering "date cards."  So, like a business card, only dumber.  Name, phone, email and fax if you like.  But instead of your business/job title?  A dating headline.  What's this you ask?  Well, as per the example in the ad, "Lonely brunette, looking for love in 2011."  I couldn't make this up if I tried.  I considered, for a moment, ordering myself a box, only using a different headline. "Call me if it doesn't work out."

That's all for now.