The Accidental Couch Potato

Dear Drivers of Multiple Cars Who Rear-Ended me on Halloween 2007,

Just thought I'd check you in and let you know my back is crap since the disk you slipped has apparently never properly healed and, my sciatic nerve has literally become a pain in my ass. And leg. Excuse me for thinking I could blow dry my hair without injuring myself.

This week, I have spent nearly every waking minute propped up on pillows, strapped up in heat, and hopped up on Vicodin. The Vicodin has barely helped, other than the sporadic distraction by the severe nauseau and dizziness it brings on. I'm also convinced that it causes very strange dreams involving water balloons, the Atlantic Ocean, and Bruce Boudreau.

I have been forced to use almost all of my paid sick time, and may I remind you that its only January...

I have missed out on my new favorite outing...half-priced wine night on Tuesday, plus, my Thursday night plans, a Friday play date with (one of the) cutest babies, and whatever potential social spectaculars I might have attended this weekend.

I'm so glad this all happened the same week that everything on TV is a rerun. Other than a new Project Runway, I had little to zero DVR to catch up on, forcing me to try and entertain myself with Lifetime movies. Unsuccessful. And, because I could not sit up in a chair for longer than 10 minutes until today, I have neither blogged nor researched any community service opportunities in order to assist me in my 4th week of successful resolutioning.

Next week, I return to physical therapy, and hopefully, my life.

Anyway, hope you and your backs are doing well.

Sincerely,
Bored, Broken, and A Little Bit Wishing I Had Sued

Extreme Makeover: Me Addition

After trying to get my dollars in order, I have confirmed that my life = unaffordable.

Conveniently, Comcast phone and Verizon Fios TV are not available to me, so my $99 dream deal must remain a dream. I do, however, get to continue the nightmare of paying 2 separate bills whose total amounts to more than double my fantasy.

I called my credit card companies. And after choosing the two that had the best of the worst percentages, my mom informed me that closing my other cards negatively effects my credit score. So, they stay, solely for the purpose of one tank of gas a month to be charged on them so they can be paid in full at the end of the month. Per my credit research, this is a good idea. Apparently.

I did my budget. Not going to discuss. But I will say that it resulted in a weekend of near zero spending. With the exception of Friday night (I have to have SOME fun, right?) I had a free Saturday night dinner with my family followed by a free Redbox viewing of Cape Fear at my aunt's house. This followed by Sunday morning at my parent's house and then an afternoon of laundry. Also free.

Ever have one of those weeks? Well, I just did. Although my financial makeover is for the best, I believe it has aged me 10 (or 30) years. The forehead wrinkle discovery was rough. But today, I found gray. Two gray hairs that were so prominently placed, I looked like Stacy London. But not anymore, as they have been carefully removed and flushed, along with the days of dyeing my hair for fun.

In the last few days, I've lost a lot of sleep over fine lines, money, and tonight I'm sure, because of my unwanted silver streak. So now, I have bags under my eyes too. Super.

But it's time to get my mind off the tough road I have ahead for my week 3 resolution, and conveniently so, its time for week 4. Community outreach.

I'm embarrassed to say that I can probably count my volunteer efforts on my fingers. One year on Thanksgiving, when I was around 14 years old, my parents and I volunteered at a soup kitchen. It was so long ago, though, that the only part I remember is that when we came out, our car had been stolen. Most recently would probably be my philanthropic attempts to raise money for the National Kidney Foundation through my short-lived sorority sisterhood. And that was not yesterday.

But that's about to change. After watching tonight's teary episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (you may stop judging me now), I'm feeling inspired to help others.

It's obvious that I need to do something that makes me feel like I did something worthy of a full nights sleep. This week, I'm going to do some digging and contact organizations that need volunteers. I'll let you know what I find out! After all, Ty Murray says I, too, can make a difference...so let the change begin!

A Different World

When you're growing up, you and your friends are mostly the same. You're surrounded by the people who are the closest in age to your own, and together you go through the ups and downs of growing up. Your first crush, your first kiss, starting high school, getting dates for the prom, going to college, etc. You ride the roller coaster, basically, together.

Recently though, I noticed something else that age shows (other than the wrinkles I've recently found standing prominently on my forehead.) As we get older, we find ourselves forced to break away from those people as we're forced to take on life at completely different paces.

After college the real world begins, and it starts to take you places you can't predict. Buying houses, meeting "the one", getting married, having kids...and it's all at a different time than the people that have, for so long, had all of these firsts right along side of you.

I realized something sad tonight. And let me preface by saying I have the most wonderful friends in the world...

I might need new friends.

I never realized what being in a relationship does to you. Good and bad, it changes you more than you realize. Ive grown up with 90% of my closest friends, and 95% of my total "best friend" clan is married. Luckily, I look around at the people I love and really feel strongly that they've chosen people who compliment them. And that's great! But after being in a relationship for so long, especially when it doesn't work, you realize you get so comfortable, that your entire self changes.

For example, for the last few years, I was completely (most of the time) content in working, having dinner, watching TV or a movie, and going to bed. The urgency to go out and be doing something all the time had dissipated, and the calm was what I sought out.

If I went out for a few drinks, I was content to return home by 10, because I followed suit of the people I was with, and was happy to get home in time to greet my boyfriend home from work.

But that's all changed. And for better, for worse, I'm in a different boat now. Now that my near 5 year relationship that kept me up to par with my married/relationshipped friends has ended, I realize, months later, my state of mind has seemed to change right alongside of my status.

I feel the desire to be social again. I want to be out and not at home feeling sorry for myself. I have the urge to pretend I'm cooler than I really am and stay out until the bar kicks me out. Only problem is, all of my friends? Their lives haven't changed at all. And I can't expect them to change because of me. After all, they still have each other, and they still are perfectly content with the unenforced curfew of being asleep by 11 on a near daily basis.

This is not meant to be a sob story. As I type it, I'm not even sad. I just realize how strange it is to be in such a different place in life in just a few months. And even stranger, how different I feel from the people closest to me.

So fine, I've discovered it might be nice to have people in my life who are going through the same stage of life as me. But I also know this...I don't want new friends! I like these people and I'm not going to enjoy hanging out with anyone on a platonic basis more than them. So now what?

I'm thinking there needs to be a meeting site (and no, not Facebook) like, I don't know...friendmatch.com? And I think for me, this challenge of online friending could be even worse (if possible) than online dating. Because, if there was such a site, here is what my profile might say...

"Newly-ish single gal, looking for occasional person to hang out with, not serious friendship. I have enough friends, and frankly, I don't have time for you. However, if you're willing to meet me out at 10pm when all my real friends go home, that would be acceptable. Would also be nice if you had nice guy to fix me up with so I can stop wasting my time with you and go back to the days of contentment in my own house, while catching up on my DVR. This plan, also much more supportive than bar hopping, of my quest to save money (please see blog for more info on current financial status.) Call me!"

It's a good thing that, A. This site doesn't actually exist, and 2. I don't actually want new friends, because frankly, based on that winning "About Me" section, I wouldn't even want to friend me.

Rags to Riches

50 weeks to go. I'm promising to continue on my life-getting and picture taking, but in the meantime, I forgot to mention my week 3 resolution...

This is a doosey...here it is: Begin to free myself from financial hell. How? Well, I'm not 100% sure considering I'm not sure I make enough money to afford myself, but I do think there are some changes I can make immediately to help. Other than winning the lottery that is.

Number 1: This is what got the ball rolling...On Sunday, after realizing I needed to pay a $383 BGE bill, I called to enroll myself in budget billing. I can't survive another near small heart attack after opening my most recent bill.

Number 2: This week I will call all of my credit card companies and ask for a drop in my APR. After, I will close all cards but one (two?) And limit my cc spending.

Number 3: I will call my condo association and find out if I am able to switch to Comcast for phone and still be able to use my call box. If not, I will find out if there is Verizon Fios capability yet. I really could benefit from these "triple play deals" if possible. I dream of this day.

Number 4: Advertise myself for odd jobs to make extra $$$. Anyone need a babysitter? Makeup artist? Plant waterer? Prostitute? (Sorry family who reads this...totally kidding. I think?)

Number 5: Make an appointment to have my taxes done with someone who doesn't charge almost as much as my rebate to do them. After all, my favorite time of year is getting MY money back from the government.

Number 6: Figure out my 2010 budget. Basically, not in line with operation "get life" because my excel spreadsheet is likely to leave me no room for a social life.

Number 7: Make a list of ways to have fun for free. Suggestions welcome.

My So-Called Quarter Life

I was singing my heart out to "Love Is A Battlefield" in the shower the other day, and I'm not gonna to lie, I kind of sounded like a rock star. Like Stevie Nicks kind of good. Like, I could be the next American Idol kind of good (assuming that I wasn't over the age limit and that I was allowed to bring my shower and all of it's wonderful acoustics with it...otherwise, my vocal resembles closer to that of a dying cat.)

Anyway, not the point. Point is...during my heartfelt rock ballad performance, it hit me.

I'm going to live until I'm 112. Turns out, the quarter life crisis I thought I was having at 22? Nope, false alarm...it's happening now. I'm being faced (again) with questions of "What do I want to be when I grow up" and "How the hell do you start to date again at the late age of 90 (28) when I haven't even had to flirt in over 5 years?!" That's terrifying! I don't even know how to talk to boys anymore!

But, the unknown kind of seems just a little bit exciting to me too. Empowering even. Or, it could be the consecutive nights I spent with Jose, Goose, and the 7 Deadly Zins that's helping to turn the sheer panic into what I perceive, while under the influence, to be empowerment...but I'm going with it.

Anyway, as for current weeks resolution...you may have noticed the only pictures I've posted are of random sandwiches and toilet paper, and yes, they may be the only pictures I've taken other than these:

But I didn't just perfectly peel an orange (that's supposed to be good luck you know) and finally get my alarm system installed (knife is back in the kitchen! Hammer stays) this week. Operation get a life, go places, see people, do things, has kicked off to a slow but fantastic start. I officially finished reading Bright Lights, Big Ass, and I do think its celebratory even though it took me 2 years.

I spent my days off having lunch with 2 of my friends that I should see way more often than I do.

I literally partied like it's 1999. And yes, I forgot my camera. I went to bars I haven't been to since college and I don't think I've stayed out as late as I did on Thursday night in 10 years. Only (major) difference is, ten years ago I was 10 years younger and I confirm that it is shocking what a difference that makes in how you feel when you wake up the morning after.

I've got mini-trip plans in the works, and pictures will be required. This is the year my life comes back to life via photo album. Right now, if you were basing it off that, you may be lead to think I died in 2006.

Operation Get A Life was an important one that had to be taken on early year. It needs time to grow and flourish into something wonderful by '11. In the meantime, thanks for all the calls, comments, and emails that I've gotten about not writing in a few days.

I'll do better, and maybe I'll even do a demo bathroom recording for a future update... Now if that's not a cliffhanger, I don't know what is.

Disclaimer: I lie. My singing, even in the shower, may not be quite as good as I led on and will never be recorded and posted for the public to hear. Ever. Thank you. And, you're welcome.

Proud To Be An American

After arriving at jury duty around 8:15am, like a timely little citizen, I chose my seat carefully. End seat, middle row, back section, prime TV spot. Over an hour later, the world's loudest breather arrived and chose the seat next to me. If I didn't have swine flu last week when I thought I was dying, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have it now.

Because of the number of us, and the increasingly obvious lack of system in place (don't they do this every day?), it took over two hours just to get checked in. And for me, it didn't help that I was behind the one woman (out of the 179 potential jurors) who came on the wrong day.


To occupy myself after finally checking in and reclaiming my seat, I glanced around the room to find my fake boyfriend for the day. A swing and a miss. The best looking guy here happened to be sitting directly in front of me, but he lost his edge when I noticed that I could see my reflection in his hair. The Aveda salesperson almost came out of me as I fought the urge to say, "I notice you like to add a LOT of shine to your hair...what products are you currently using?"


The man next to me had started to snore and talk in his sleep. The two women behind me, although perfect strangers, did not shut up since they got there. In case you were wondering, because I apparently was, the first one was 38 years old and works in Congress. She also worked for a very long time was an insurance underwriter. The other loud mouth was 68 and on social security after spending her prime years as a business owner. I could go much further into detail but I will spare you, as I wish I could have been spared myself.

11 am...My $15 for lunch is buying me a bottle of wine instead. Or, seriously considering buying this t-shirt.

I also would have liked to have spared myself from the movie they put on. Secondhand Lions, which I've seen on three different New York bus trips before today. There are over 10 million movies in the world (per Wikipedia) and yet I'm officially being stalked by this once mediocre, now unbearable, not-good-enough-to-be-chosen-for-every-public-movie-viewing-opportunity flick.

And no, the start of the movie was not enough reason for the women behind me to shut the hell up.

11:07 am...Correction...the $15 for wine is buying me a (cheap) bottle of vodka.

Lunch break got announced at around 12, advising us that at 1:30, 120 jurors would be called into the court rooms. Because of my sheer lack of option, I tossed aside the bottle of booze for the opportunity to get out of that room and eat.

Deciding not to venture outdoors in the freezing temps, I headed to the Court House Deli (I may have made up the name) just downstairs. I ordered turkey on wheat with lettuce, tomato, and pickles with a small Maryland crab soup instead of chips. $11 gone (not including my drink), I opened up what appeared to be chicken noodle and tuna instead.


On the way back from lunch, I followed a 50-year old man that had taken a liking to me after my shoes had been stopped by security (don't ask), onto an elevator that just happened to be evacuated moments later as it was being surrendered for prisoner transport. Umm?

Before heading back into the holding area, I stopped by the ladies room. Perhaps the best part of my day is when I noticed a Master Lock on the bottom left of the toilet paper dispenser. You know you're in a place frequented by criminals (ahem, alleged criminals) when a fear of TP theft is at hand...

Still laughing, I headed back in just in time for them to announce that the judges were still not ready to begin. 120 jurors would now be called at 2:30pm instead. I began to half read, half watch wretched movie, again, in a time-passing attempt.

My number got called into the court room. A criminal case. Fancy! This part was actually really interesting and hilarious. Interesting because I never really knew what went into a jury selection. Hilarious because people are really, really stupid. At one point, the judge asked if anyone had any type of relation to anyone in the law enforcement industry. One juror actually stood up and said, "What type of relations are you talking about?" And if you could have seen the look on her face, you would have known she was seriously considering "relations" that did not involve being "related" to anyone at all.

The state and defense attorneys finally agreed on a jury. In the end, I was not one of them. However, one of the chatty women AND Mr. McBreathe were both among the chosen 12! If nothing else, that is going to be one extremely noisy jury deliberation room.

5:15 pm correction: The $4 left over is going towards a new prescription to Paxil that I plan on requesting from my doctor first thing tomorrow morning.

Until then, I will resort back to my original plan and drink that bottle (er, glass?) of wine and I will do it knowing that it will be at least 3 years before I have to report back for duty or be forced to watch Secondhand Lions again.

Week One Done

Let me start off by saying that I have jury duty tomorrow which is why I haven't finished my books. My guess is I will be bored out of my mind and will need a major distraction, like reading (and finishing) my books!

Although the week is over, my resolutions are things I really want to change. Going back to things I love doesn't stop here, and the best way to hold myself accountable is to commit, in writing, so that I know that all 12 of my followers (so far) can hold me to it.

So, in line with week one, over the course of 2010, I hope to write consistently (not daily, per say) and plan to read at least one book a month. Both can be good for my brain, which lately I feel may be losing steam.

As for this week, operation get a life and take pictures is on. So far my plans include jury duty, working, and ADT installation. Should make for a riveting story board. Stay tuned.