We were supposed to go to Disneyworld. Instead, we ended up at the psychic...
While my friend C's husband was away at a bachelor party, we were going to live it up...me, an actual single girl with no ties to Owings Mills. Her, a weekend off from married life...unchosen, but happening nonetheless. Unfortunately, we're all talk, and our 4 day weekend to Mickeytown never got booked. So, we decided on an overnight to NYC. Clearly, that was too expensive on super short notice, so DC it was. Except, it wasn't, and we ended up going nowhere. Except to Mt. Washington Tavern and the psychic.
It wasn't the first time I went to Savetta. In a prior blog entry from back in the day, I shared parts of my first visit with the lady who claims to know everything and proves she does know some things. Last time, I discussed how I safely avoided the death card during my tarot reading because I believe I have psychic abilities myself. This time, she told me that I have psychic abilities that I'm not completely connected to. Weird.
This time...
She told me I'm a happy person on the outside, a jokester, and that I cover up my real feelings. She told me that I'm a hard worker and that I work in a business that helps people. She wondered what it was that happened to me 7 months ago that caused so much doubt, confusion, and pain. Huh...
Apparently, in the next 4 years, I'm going to own my own business and will be very successful. I have two men in my life. One, from the past who has not let me go, and one from my present, who I already know. This guy cares very deeply about me and I should open myself up to the possibilites of him. Of course, she did not tell me who on earth this guy was, or, where I could find him. Then, she told me I would live until I'm 97. Of course I am.
Since I have no idea who this "present guy" is, I'm assuming she didn't get it all right, so I guess I better get cracking on this eharmony situation, because 68 more years of life is a long time to do it alone.
One problem. My matches are crap. Of the 97 people I've been matched to, I've been intrigued by less than a few. Then, the one guy who I got to the "must have/can't stand" stage with couldn't stand pretty much everything about me...he "can't stand" people who aren't strongly spiritual, need alone time, or, have a sarcastic tendency. Great job on that match eharmony. Really, I applaud you.
Almost one month down and two to go. This just might be the worst $50 I (my grandmother) has ever spent. I'm trying so hard to get you some fun date stories, but, if I can't get past the stage 2 level of communication, its going to be hard. So, here's to hoping that my next set of matches consists of a healthy handful of men who "must have" a sarcastic , agnostic, independant woman. Sing it, Beyonce.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Third Times A Charm?
Ha. That's what comes to mind when I think about today. It was ridiculous when I woke up at 5:37am when I didn't have to work until 10. Ha. It was typical when I got in line at Dunkin Donuts this morning, behind someone who was apparently catering a party for 700. Ha! Laughable when I pulled into the parking garage at work to open the store and couldn't find a parking spot! Ahahahaha!
Really, it was one of those days.
On my lunch break, I noticed a nice looking guy engagement ring shopping for his girlfriend. I also noticed him flirting as he entered the salesgirl's phone number into his Blackberry Storm. I'm going to guess that that marriage won't end well...
When I got home today, I felt lucky to be alive. Considering the 3 funny times I almost got run off the road on 97, given the finger multiple times all for unknown reasons, and then when I finally made it home, I could barely contain my road rage behind an off duty cop who was driving side by side to another car, windows down, carrying a conversation from his car to theirs. Really? Really. Ha!
Now I'm in bed trying to force myself to fall asleep. Clearly, its not working. What is wrong with me? I should be passing out the second my head hits the pillow. Lately, in all my non-plan cancelling, I've been partying like a (lame) rockstar! Trying to find balance is seemingly impossible. I have very little spare time because of my unsteady work schedule. But, when I am off, I want to be hanging out with my friends, not resting up in preparation for my next long day of busyness! That said, I've been having a blast, but am feeling (and looking) like a rundown trainwreck. Whatever. At least most bars are dark until last call when it simply doesn't matter anymore..
To catch you up on some recent events...
During a family dinner at my 'rents house, my grandmother informed me that she'd like to sign over a check to cover three months of internet dating. As I choked on my green bean, caught myself from falling out of my chair, and resisted the urge to vomit, she informed me that she'd really like me to give it just "one last try." I told her that that is what the last two times I followed her advice for were. "Third times the charm," she said.
So, after a few weeks of annoying conversations at family dinners about who the most recent internet matched couples were, I've succumbed to the pressure, braced myself, and joined e-harmony for a bargain price. Thank you coupon code.
For a mere $44, I have 3 full months of access to my most compatible matches. Woo. 3 days, 29 matches, and zero interest later, I'm pretty sure I wasted perfectly good money that could have been put to much better use...in a bar.
Good news is, I have a feeling that I give in and go out on actual nightmare dates, I'm going to have so much to write about! So, although this may not be the way to my soulmate, I'm pretty certain that its the way to a writer's block free world!
Moving on...I'm guessing its obvious that I haven't been documenting my resolutions in a while. But I do have a few worth discussing...
First. I may be known as the girl who always wears black. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from goth, hardly depressed, and definitely not color blind. I do, however, think most colors are ugly, and have trouble venturing out into the dangerous world of primary, pastel, and neon. However. I have recently been experimenting with mild colors like gray, green, and even a little purple. We'll see how long it lasts.
Second. I've purposely been living selfishly. I like to do what I want when I want. I'm thankful every day for the fact that I've yet to have kids, and that my world can revolve solely around me. Being less selfish is probably a pretty solid resolution considering that it can tend to turn into a really bad character flaw. So, when my roomie asked a smidge over a week ago what I though about getting a dog...I was hesitant. And then, she showed me her picture.
How can you resist that face? So I didn't. And so now, for just under 2 weeks, we have become parents to Bella. And I use the word "parents" quite appropriately. We've been up several times at 2am to walk her, then again at 5, and again at 7. We've cleaned up some pretty gross messes. And, it's a whole 'nother being you have to remember to feed. Crazy considering the two of us have trouble remembering to eat dinner half the time ourselves!
On the bright side though, she is SO cute. She loves being a lap dog, and for about 15 more lbs, she can be. She's super fun, fvery riendly, and so far, a really good dog! Although, getting a dog has proven kids to be even more scary now. I thought about it being pretty similar (almost exact really) until I realized that it couldn't be more different. After all, I'm pretty sure that when your kid has done something wrong, you'd be frowned upon if you proceeded to rub its face in its own bodily fluids, dragged it outside on a leash, and then locked it up in a crate with no toys...
Really, it was one of those days.
On my lunch break, I noticed a nice looking guy engagement ring shopping for his girlfriend. I also noticed him flirting as he entered the salesgirl's phone number into his Blackberry Storm. I'm going to guess that that marriage won't end well...
When I got home today, I felt lucky to be alive. Considering the 3 funny times I almost got run off the road on 97, given the finger multiple times all for unknown reasons, and then when I finally made it home, I could barely contain my road rage behind an off duty cop who was driving side by side to another car, windows down, carrying a conversation from his car to theirs. Really? Really. Ha!
Now I'm in bed trying to force myself to fall asleep. Clearly, its not working. What is wrong with me? I should be passing out the second my head hits the pillow. Lately, in all my non-plan cancelling, I've been partying like a (lame) rockstar! Trying to find balance is seemingly impossible. I have very little spare time because of my unsteady work schedule. But, when I am off, I want to be hanging out with my friends, not resting up in preparation for my next long day of busyness! That said, I've been having a blast, but am feeling (and looking) like a rundown trainwreck. Whatever. At least most bars are dark until last call when it simply doesn't matter anymore..
To catch you up on some recent events...
During a family dinner at my 'rents house, my grandmother informed me that she'd like to sign over a check to cover three months of internet dating. As I choked on my green bean, caught myself from falling out of my chair, and resisted the urge to vomit, she informed me that she'd really like me to give it just "one last try." I told her that that is what the last two times I followed her advice for were. "Third times the charm," she said.
So, after a few weeks of annoying conversations at family dinners about who the most recent internet matched couples were, I've succumbed to the pressure, braced myself, and joined e-harmony for a bargain price. Thank you coupon code.
For a mere $44, I have 3 full months of access to my most compatible matches. Woo. 3 days, 29 matches, and zero interest later, I'm pretty sure I wasted perfectly good money that could have been put to much better use...in a bar.
Good news is, I have a feeling that I give in and go out on actual nightmare dates, I'm going to have so much to write about! So, although this may not be the way to my soulmate, I'm pretty certain that its the way to a writer's block free world!
Moving on...I'm guessing its obvious that I haven't been documenting my resolutions in a while. But I do have a few worth discussing...
First. I may be known as the girl who always wears black. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from goth, hardly depressed, and definitely not color blind. I do, however, think most colors are ugly, and have trouble venturing out into the dangerous world of primary, pastel, and neon. However. I have recently been experimenting with mild colors like gray, green, and even a little purple. We'll see how long it lasts.
Second. I've purposely been living selfishly. I like to do what I want when I want. I'm thankful every day for the fact that I've yet to have kids, and that my world can revolve solely around me. Being less selfish is probably a pretty solid resolution considering that it can tend to turn into a really bad character flaw. So, when my roomie asked a smidge over a week ago what I though about getting a dog...I was hesitant. And then, she showed me her picture.
How can you resist that face? So I didn't. And so now, for just under 2 weeks, we have become parents to Bella. And I use the word "parents" quite appropriately. We've been up several times at 2am to walk her, then again at 5, and again at 7. We've cleaned up some pretty gross messes. And, it's a whole 'nother being you have to remember to feed. Crazy considering the two of us have trouble remembering to eat dinner half the time ourselves!
On the bright side though, she is SO cute. She loves being a lap dog, and for about 15 more lbs, she can be. She's super fun, fvery riendly, and so far, a really good dog! Although, getting a dog has proven kids to be even more scary now. I thought about it being pretty similar (almost exact really) until I realized that it couldn't be more different. After all, I'm pretty sure that when your kid has done something wrong, you'd be frowned upon if you proceeded to rub its face in its own bodily fluids, dragged it outside on a leash, and then locked it up in a crate with no toys...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Cinco De Crapo
It's been a rough few weeks and today became the icing on the cake. The cherry on the ice cream sundae. The straw that broke the camels back.
Nothing happened in particular, but weeks of long days at work, sleepless nights, and too much time to think about everything that sucks has kinda taken its toll. As if my recent resemblance to Shrek wasn't bad enough (side effect of insomnia...at least I hope that's all it is...) my extra hours of hard work are not yet paying off, I found a shoebox full of pictures and paraphernalia during spring cleaning that forced me to reminisce and then be sad, and, I didn't even get to drink a margarita (or 7) in attempt to forget about it all because I got stood up for plans. (Don't get excited, Mom, it wasn't a date.)
So, what better day than today to start back up with resolutioning. For a while now, I've been terrible at commitment. I'm constantly cancelling plans with my friends. Most of you can probably name a recent last minute cancellation due to either absentmindedness, illness, exhaustion, work, work, or... work. Sad, but true, if you don't live in a 1 mile, last minute plans kind of radius from me, chances are you haven't seen me in months. Although some of these cancellation reasons are out of my control, moving forward, I plan to do whatever it takes to become a more reliable person again. Knowing that I can't be depended on right now is horrible, so whatever it takes, I'm going to win the lottery and not have anything else to do ever except make plans and show up! Or, if by any chance that doesn't happen, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that I will do everything in my power to be there when I say I will. No excuses.
Basically, I'm on a mission to find balance. In the meantime, I'm going to find some tequila. Crappy, I mean, Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone!
Nothing happened in particular, but weeks of long days at work, sleepless nights, and too much time to think about everything that sucks has kinda taken its toll. As if my recent resemblance to Shrek wasn't bad enough (side effect of insomnia...at least I hope that's all it is...) my extra hours of hard work are not yet paying off, I found a shoebox full of pictures and paraphernalia during spring cleaning that forced me to reminisce and then be sad, and, I didn't even get to drink a margarita (or 7) in attempt to forget about it all because I got stood up for plans. (Don't get excited, Mom, it wasn't a date.)
So, what better day than today to start back up with resolutioning. For a while now, I've been terrible at commitment. I'm constantly cancelling plans with my friends. Most of you can probably name a recent last minute cancellation due to either absentmindedness, illness, exhaustion, work, work, or... work. Sad, but true, if you don't live in a 1 mile, last minute plans kind of radius from me, chances are you haven't seen me in months. Although some of these cancellation reasons are out of my control, moving forward, I plan to do whatever it takes to become a more reliable person again. Knowing that I can't be depended on right now is horrible, so whatever it takes, I'm going to win the lottery and not have anything else to do ever except make plans and show up! Or, if by any chance that doesn't happen, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that I will do everything in my power to be there when I say I will. No excuses.
Basically, I'm on a mission to find balance. In the meantime, I'm going to find some tequila. Crappy, I mean, Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Eyes Wide Open
I'm an insomniac and I hate it. I want nothing more than to sleep. I've been in bed since 6pm with a terrible headache, and yet here I am. Awake. And did I mention, I hate it?
For some reason, over the last week, my mind is working overtime. I'm not even certain what its thinking about because my thoughts are hardly anything serious most of the time. Since I got in bed, I've thought about the need to buy more coffee, catch up on Lost, and remember to call work in the morning. I've logged on to Facebook about 800 times for no reason because I really don't even know what people do on there that they find so entertaining. So then, since I'm not entertained, I find myself thinking about things I don't want to think about, and now I'm stressed and can't relax enough to find comfort on my pillowtop mattress.
So, perfect writing opp. Except, with all the thoughts in my head, I can't come up with a damn thing to write about. Ridiculous. So, instead I'll just document random thoughts.
I completely disagree with the winner of Project Runway this season. Team Emilio.
I don't understand why, with all the things we can do with technology, I can't watch TV when I'm taping two shows.
Capitals. Win on Monday. Please. XOXO.
Is it wrong that I want to see "The Backup Plan?" starring JLo?
Is it wronger that I found a scratch off lottery ticket in my wallet that won $2 and I actually felt like a winner?
An 8 year old kid developed a crush on me the other day during my work event. I know this because he asked me for a pen. Then, he gave me his digits. My love life is getting progressively more embarrassing to discuss.
Adult men...why ask for a girls number if you have zero intention of calling her?
The lack of sleep is causing me to consider doing crazy things. I think I need to drink to a blackout stage. Rumplemintz anyone?
For some reason, over the last week, my mind is working overtime. I'm not even certain what its thinking about because my thoughts are hardly anything serious most of the time. Since I got in bed, I've thought about the need to buy more coffee, catch up on Lost, and remember to call work in the morning. I've logged on to Facebook about 800 times for no reason because I really don't even know what people do on there that they find so entertaining. So then, since I'm not entertained, I find myself thinking about things I don't want to think about, and now I'm stressed and can't relax enough to find comfort on my pillowtop mattress.
So, perfect writing opp. Except, with all the thoughts in my head, I can't come up with a damn thing to write about. Ridiculous. So, instead I'll just document random thoughts.
I completely disagree with the winner of Project Runway this season. Team Emilio.
I don't understand why, with all the things we can do with technology, I can't watch TV when I'm taping two shows.
Capitals. Win on Monday. Please. XOXO.
Is it wrong that I want to see "The Backup Plan?" starring JLo?
Is it wronger that I found a scratch off lottery ticket in my wallet that won $2 and I actually felt like a winner?
An 8 year old kid developed a crush on me the other day during my work event. I know this because he asked me for a pen. Then, he gave me his digits. My love life is getting progressively more embarrassing to discuss.
Adult men...why ask for a girls number if you have zero intention of calling her?
The lack of sleep is causing me to consider doing crazy things. I think I need to drink to a blackout stage. Rumplemintz anyone?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
I've apparently become uninspired, unmotivated, and unliked by my readers, as I lost all control over my resolution to resolve. The more I think about it, the more I realize the the recent overwhelming "un's" are because I'm overwhelmed by 52 resolutions. I mean, let's be real for a hot second here...if I really had 52 things I needed to change about myself, I think I'd need more than a blog to help me get there.
I mean, sure. I could probably list off more than enough things to change, but I don't know that all of them are serious enough to document. I mean, after all, I've already had one feisty reader argue that laundry is not a resolution. And being that, to date, I've failed to keep up on said topic, I still beg to differ.
That said, I'm back, and I'm going to do this. I just can't promise I'll reach the "52." I'm hoping that without the pressure of having to come up with a new ordeal each week, I'll be re-inspired, re-motivated, and, of course, re-liked by all of you.
I will get back to resolutioning asap. I also may need to revisit a few from earlier in the year, as I've fallen off almost all of those bandwagons too. Except I've done exceptionally well, if I do say so myself, with one...
I've remained (pretty) open minded when it comes to dating. After so many years not thinking about it, there comes a time when you realize that you do kinda want to be noticed, maybe want to be approached, and potentially even start to date.
Unfortunately for me, this is not necessarily a good thing. Flattery is what one might feel when the waitress comes to your table and says that her other table wants to know if we were single. Shame is what you feel when you tell the waitress how old you actually are, and she returns moments later to let us know that the boys regretfully decline as we are a little bit out of their dateable range. That's right people, had I kept my mouth shut, I almost got hit on by a 20 year old with a fake ID, and I, at the ripe old age of 28, could have been a cougar...
Fast forward a few minutes on the same evening when a couple of, we'll call them "interesting" boys sit down at our table. Charming, in a dirty, obnoxious, inappropriate kind of way. So charming that my new bf couldn't remember my actual name, and because he decided I was Spanish, him and his "boyz" called me "Spaniard" for the rest of the night. True love, I'd say.
Most recently, I was approached by a man who told me about his two divorces, and 2 daughters...one 25, one 27. Although I'm not good at math, I calculated quickly and determined he just may be a tad older than me. I carded him, saw he was born in 1954 (I wish I was kidding), and followed my friends as they laughed their way out of the bar.
I've also been on a few dates (not with any of the above) and I think its safe to say that I'm not entirely terrible at it. I mean, don't get me wrong...I'm definitely not at all good at it either. But,at least I didn't trip over my own feet, fall on my face, and I can honestly say that I completely resisted the urge to play with my food. Maybe on a future date, I'll be able to avoid shredding my napkin and will attempt to partake in conversation that I otherwise might have attempted to ignore in order to watch the hockey game that I might have conveniently and purposely positioned myself to be able to watch over my disaster date's head...
Go Caps!
I mean, sure. I could probably list off more than enough things to change, but I don't know that all of them are serious enough to document. I mean, after all, I've already had one feisty reader argue that laundry is not a resolution. And being that, to date, I've failed to keep up on said topic, I still beg to differ.
That said, I'm back, and I'm going to do this. I just can't promise I'll reach the "52." I'm hoping that without the pressure of having to come up with a new ordeal each week, I'll be re-inspired, re-motivated, and, of course, re-liked by all of you.
I will get back to resolutioning asap. I also may need to revisit a few from earlier in the year, as I've fallen off almost all of those bandwagons too. Except I've done exceptionally well, if I do say so myself, with one...
I've remained (pretty) open minded when it comes to dating. After so many years not thinking about it, there comes a time when you realize that you do kinda want to be noticed, maybe want to be approached, and potentially even start to date.
Unfortunately for me, this is not necessarily a good thing. Flattery is what one might feel when the waitress comes to your table and says that her other table wants to know if we were single. Shame is what you feel when you tell the waitress how old you actually are, and she returns moments later to let us know that the boys regretfully decline as we are a little bit out of their dateable range. That's right people, had I kept my mouth shut, I almost got hit on by a 20 year old with a fake ID, and I, at the ripe old age of 28, could have been a cougar...
Fast forward a few minutes on the same evening when a couple of, we'll call them "interesting" boys sit down at our table. Charming, in a dirty, obnoxious, inappropriate kind of way. So charming that my new bf couldn't remember my actual name, and because he decided I was Spanish, him and his "boyz" called me "Spaniard" for the rest of the night. True love, I'd say.
Most recently, I was approached by a man who told me about his two divorces, and 2 daughters...one 25, one 27. Although I'm not good at math, I calculated quickly and determined he just may be a tad older than me. I carded him, saw he was born in 1954 (I wish I was kidding), and followed my friends as they laughed their way out of the bar.
I've also been on a few dates (not with any of the above) and I think its safe to say that I'm not entirely terrible at it. I mean, don't get me wrong...I'm definitely not at all good at it either. But,at least I didn't trip over my own feet, fall on my face, and I can honestly say that I completely resisted the urge to play with my food. Maybe on a future date, I'll be able to avoid shredding my napkin and will attempt to partake in conversation that I otherwise might have attempted to ignore in order to watch the hockey game that I might have conveniently and purposely positioned myself to be able to watch over my disaster date's head...
Go Caps!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tube Tops and Flops
OK so I suck at life. And blogging. But, its not my fault. On March 8th, I wrote this "Tube Tops and Flops" entry and this stupid website saved it after I accidentally deleted it in its entirety.
I'm finally over it and ready to rewrite so here we go...
I am constantly referring to my ever active aging process. Gray hairs and wrinkles are just the visible parts, and more recently the emotional aging began when my 5 year old cousin got his driver's license.
I thought that was the icing on the cake until I went out for drinks. At Batemans. In Towson. Near the college. That's right people. 69 cent bottles, and so I changed out of my leopard print Snuggie and into my stilettos...
Apparently its been a while since I've been to where the cool kids hang out. As I walked into the bar, a nice bouncer man put out his hand, and I, honored, handed him my ID. He shook his head and asked me for a $5 cover instead. Ouch.
I looked around and it seemed kinda lovely...cheap beer, not (overly) crowded, cute bartender...I think I love this place! Fast forward an hour? There was a line out the door with people waiting to get in, and I remembered...the real cool kids don't go out until after 10.
Nosiness kicked in, and I became fascinated with the young life I'd been detached from for so long. To my left, a redhead, probably stoned and definitely wasted, tripping over herself and spitting as she spoke, trying to woo the guy that had just hit on my friend. He had stood just moments before in disbelief when she explained that her "awesome ring" meant she was married.
To my right, this:
(I did the math, and no, the year is not a typo.)
In front of me, I watched as scantily clad girls did phallic things to their beer bottles, while guys watched in awe. Groups of people circled around singing and dancing like no one was watching. Screams and yells sounded when "Single Ladies" came on, and I thought, oh children, if you only knew.
My attention moved quickly to a girl in a black lace embellished tee. She appeared to be there alone as I watched her make her way around the floor trying to befriend/dance inappropriately with anyone that would have her. And they did, for a hot second, until they realized she was kind of a mess.
Later, we had the chance to meet this girl face to face while waiting in the bathroom line as she explained to us that it might be a great idea to just pee in the sink. Oh no dear, after you! Now I'm not saying I didn't have drunk moments of insanity back in my very long time ago day, but is this girl for real? You tell me...
After deciding to avoid the STD's on the toilet seats and not break the seal, we lathered up in antibacterial hand gel and headed back to our friends. I was both shocked and delighted to finally hear a song I knew the words to! Let Me Clear My Throat (uh huh, uh huh!) Now that's a song I'd dance to...except the dance floor was still filled, only now with confused 1989'ers trying to dance to an old school jam they'd never heard before...
And there it was. The moment of clarity. It happened just after noticing the judgemental stares had changed direction and were now headed toward us. Obviously, we had drawn too much attention to ourselves with our rapping and we'd now officially been tagged as the old people. It was time to go. Good thing too, as I feared I was nearing the point of considering alternatives to standing in line for the ladies room.
I'm finally over it and ready to rewrite so here we go...
I am constantly referring to my ever active aging process. Gray hairs and wrinkles are just the visible parts, and more recently the emotional aging began when my 5 year old cousin got his driver's license.
I thought that was the icing on the cake until I went out for drinks. At Batemans. In Towson. Near the college. That's right people. 69 cent bottles, and so I changed out of my leopard print Snuggie and into my stilettos...
Apparently its been a while since I've been to where the cool kids hang out. As I walked into the bar, a nice bouncer man put out his hand, and I, honored, handed him my ID. He shook his head and asked me for a $5 cover instead. Ouch.
I looked around and it seemed kinda lovely...cheap beer, not (overly) crowded, cute bartender...I think I love this place! Fast forward an hour? There was a line out the door with people waiting to get in, and I remembered...the real cool kids don't go out until after 10.
Nosiness kicked in, and I became fascinated with the young life I'd been detached from for so long. To my left, a redhead, probably stoned and definitely wasted, tripping over herself and spitting as she spoke, trying to woo the guy that had just hit on my friend. He had stood just moments before in disbelief when she explained that her "awesome ring" meant she was married.
To my right, this:
(I did the math, and no, the year is not a typo.)
In front of me, I watched as scantily clad girls did phallic things to their beer bottles, while guys watched in awe. Groups of people circled around singing and dancing like no one was watching. Screams and yells sounded when "Single Ladies" came on, and I thought, oh children, if you only knew.
My attention moved quickly to a girl in a black lace embellished tee. She appeared to be there alone as I watched her make her way around the floor trying to befriend/dance inappropriately with anyone that would have her. And they did, for a hot second, until they realized she was kind of a mess.
Later, we had the chance to meet this girl face to face while waiting in the bathroom line as she explained to us that it might be a great idea to just pee in the sink. Oh no dear, after you! Now I'm not saying I didn't have drunk moments of insanity back in my very long time ago day, but is this girl for real? You tell me...
After deciding to avoid the STD's on the toilet seats and not break the seal, we lathered up in antibacterial hand gel and headed back to our friends. I was both shocked and delighted to finally hear a song I knew the words to! Let Me Clear My Throat (uh huh, uh huh!) Now that's a song I'd dance to...except the dance floor was still filled, only now with confused 1989'ers trying to dance to an old school jam they'd never heard before...
And there it was. The moment of clarity. It happened just after noticing the judgemental stares had changed direction and were now headed toward us. Obviously, we had drawn too much attention to ourselves with our rapping and we'd now officially been tagged as the old people. It was time to go. Good thing too, as I feared I was nearing the point of considering alternatives to standing in line for the ladies room.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Pain, Pain, Go Away
I'd love to know the job of the driver of the BMW convertible that's been parked on the street under snow for three weeks in my neighborhood, leaving it impossible to properly plow that entire side of the road.
I'd also love to know what it is that my neighbors upstairs find totally necessary to do at 8am every day. My snooze button (or alarm) hasn't even been necessary this week. Yesterday it was vacuuming. Today I believe they were moving furniture as a part of an aerobics routine. Both days though, I didn't have to be up early, yet both days, I was.
And yet I wonder why my doctor told me my stress and anxiety is too high.
Maybe its customers at my store who insist we sell a product I've never heard of. Or perhaps the hostess at the bar the other night that changed the channel mid-hockey game, questioning, "What, you don't want to watch the Maryland game?" Umm, if I did, I could watch it on the other 37 TV's in here that are showing it. Could also be the fact that the Caps prefer to barely win games most of the time, making every last second an edge of the seat nail biter, rather than just holding a few goal lead.
Could it be the stalker woman from Brick Bodies, who, even after telling her I joined Gold's for half the price, continues to call me on a daily basis? Or the scam artist at work who calls like clockwork every morning, insisting he's from Verizon, yet asked how to dial a number that has letters after referring him to the corporate phone number.
Now that the stress has started to come in the form of physical pain, Doc says I need to regulate and balance it. But without having to tow a car, move, get a new job, stop watching hockey, and change my number...how exactly do I do that?
I'd also love to know what it is that my neighbors upstairs find totally necessary to do at 8am every day. My snooze button (or alarm) hasn't even been necessary this week. Yesterday it was vacuuming. Today I believe they were moving furniture as a part of an aerobics routine. Both days though, I didn't have to be up early, yet both days, I was.
And yet I wonder why my doctor told me my stress and anxiety is too high.
Maybe its customers at my store who insist we sell a product I've never heard of. Or perhaps the hostess at the bar the other night that changed the channel mid-hockey game, questioning, "What, you don't want to watch the Maryland game?" Umm, if I did, I could watch it on the other 37 TV's in here that are showing it. Could also be the fact that the Caps prefer to barely win games most of the time, making every last second an edge of the seat nail biter, rather than just holding a few goal lead.
Could it be the stalker woman from Brick Bodies, who, even after telling her I joined Gold's for half the price, continues to call me on a daily basis? Or the scam artist at work who calls like clockwork every morning, insisting he's from Verizon, yet asked how to dial a number that has letters after referring him to the corporate phone number.
Now that the stress has started to come in the form of physical pain, Doc says I need to regulate and balance it. But without having to tow a car, move, get a new job, stop watching hockey, and change my number...how exactly do I do that?
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