One Enchanted Evening

"The lights dimmed as music from the late 90's hummed in the background.  I stepped into the auditorium, took a quick look around, and scanned for familiar faces.  Disappointed, I pivoted and started to the steps.

"Diet coke please," I requested politely.  Already needing fresh air, I took my drink and headed back out through the double doors.  I took a seat on what used to be my favorite bench, and placed my soda next to me.  Last night, I sat awake in my bed, stared at the ceiling, as so many things ran through my mind.  I'd envisioned the invitation that now sat on the nightstand beside my bed.  "The class of nineteen hundred and ninety nine cordially invites you to share an Enchanted Evening, May 21, 2009, for its 10 Year Reunion." 

It was interesting to me, and somewhat scary, that so much time had passed since I'd seen so many people I'd once called my friends.  What have other people done with their lives?  Would my real life meet up to the expectations people had for me?  I felt as though I'd just stepped out of Romy and Michelle's own high school reunion.  Would people believe I'd invented Post-Its?

I still haven't come up with the perfect way to describe my life.  My teaching career is everything I could ask for.  I work in an elementary school near home, teaching 2nd grade to a great group of kids.  My husband is a successful journalist, writing for the local newspaper where we live in Amherst, Massachusetts.  And, with two beautiful children, a dog, and a house with everything but the white picket fence, I have everything I've always wanted.

Thinking about this as I sat outside the reunion, on my favorite bench, just me and my diet coke, I realized something I hadn't before.  I'm happy, and even though I haven't done anything particularly amazing, I've done everything I'd set out to do. 

It was then that I wanted to share how far I'd come with everyone I bumped into.  So with that, I stood up, and walked back through the double doors, more ready than ever to have that enchanted evening with the people who awaited me in the dimmed auditorium."

That was a college essay I wrote in 1998 to the theme of , "Where do you hope to be in 10 years time?"  It's funny (and also depressing?) about how wrong I was about the life I'd imagined for myself back then. 

A teacher?  I'd made it exactly one semester in the education program before I realized that if I ever was going to have kids, I couldn't spend my entire days working with other people's.   

A husband?  Not much need to delve further into this I don't think.

Kids?  No thanks, not now.  Maybe one day?  No promises, Mom.

Massachusetts?  I'm guessing this was my essay for UMass Amherst, and yes, I did get in.  And maybe had I gone there, I might have relocated (or have a husband?) but I chickened out, stayed local, and went to Towson U instead.  Now that I think about it, I haven't even been to Massachusetts...

So clearly, my psychic abilities failed me at 18 and I got it all wrong.  And in an effort to get my life back on track this year, I created this "Mark My Words" page.  Now, I realize that I've done a terrible job at resolutioning after June. That said, I've also realized that its close to impossible to make so many significant changes in a year. Its not an easy thing to realize that your life isn't where you thought it would be. And its not an easy thing to figure out, and point out, all the things that are wrong with your life, (even if its just the fact that you can't keep up with your laundry) all while giving yourself a time limit.

I'm going to spend the next few months refocusing on this. Although that was the idea from the beginning, I think I went about it the wrong way, and have proof that it was considering that I feel less progressed than I did on New Years Day, and have epically failed at resolutioning and documenting.  So game back on.  No pressure on myself, as I'm not promising weekly changes.  But, I can assure me, and you, that I plan to make the best of the end of 2010.  And, as things progress, I will share.

As I'm sitting here typing and drinking my Bailey's and coffee, I've also just realized another thing I was wrong about in 1998.  Most incorrectly, I'd imagined that in ten years, in a stressful situation, I'd order a diet coke to calm me down?  Ha.  So so very wrong...